i sit in front of the computer now, thinking of what to type. i typed out what i was thinking, doing, but never actually given a thought on what is it for. self reflection maybe? although ive alot of free time at hand now, just solely thinking of what my future holds for me, makes my heart heavy, my day seemed darker, time seemed faster.
this year, i feel myself change as a person, towards everything. and when i say everything, i do mean everything. how i view things and shit like that. is it part of growing up? i do find it easier to love than hate someone, forgive and forget. hating someone, takes so so much energy. its scary sometimes, how hating a person can make you think of him/her so much, and then planning on how to destroy him/her, makes you hate the person more. honestly now, i hate no one, no one. no one in my family, no one within my group of friends, no one in my life. it just gets boring after awhile ha ha. and just trying to like them for who they are, even knowing you have no clue whether they're trying to like you themselves, just makes you feel...lighter.
random thought:
"im scared, my ultimate fear, is death. death of someone i know, despite being close or not. that sucks, i know. "everyone's gonna have to go through it one day" this sentence has been repeatedly reminded to me by everyone. and they've seem to be okay with it, embrace life one might say. "
for me its time to embrace sleep, so goodnight.
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