nothing to say, fullstop.

i sit in front of the computer now, thinking of what to type. i typed out what i was thinking, doing, but never actually given a thought on what is it for. self reflection maybe? although ive alot of free time at hand now, just solely thinking of what my future holds for me, makes my heart heavy, my day seemed darker, time seemed faster.

this year, i feel myself change as a person, towards everything. and when i say everything, i do mean everything. how i view things and shit like that. is it part of growing up? i do find it easier to love than hate someone, forgive and forget. hating someone, takes so so much energy. its scary sometimes, how hating a person can make you think of him/her so much, and then planning on how to destroy him/her, makes you hate the person more. honestly now, i hate no one, no one. no one in my family, no one within my group of friends, no one in my life. it just gets boring after awhile ha ha. and just trying to like them for who they are, even knowing you have no clue whether they're trying to like you themselves, just makes you feel...lighter.

random thought:
"im scared, my ultimate fear, is death. death of someone i know, despite being close or not. that sucks, i know. "everyone's gonna have to go through it one day" this sentence has been repeatedly reminded to me by everyone. and they've seem to be okay with it, embrace life one might say. "

for me its time to embrace sleep, so goodnight.

-loss of directions

-ask for directions.

how i wish sometimes life comes with a map, a map that'll guide us through everything, plans laid out for us, choices already made. but yet again, of course, the first three words says it all. how-i-wish.

i got my results, and lets just say its a blessing and a curse all mashed up together occupying a large space in my head. Mom and sis are off to malaysia for the weekends. getting bored of my playlist as well. Listening to covers on youtube even.

you guys know those flatline that appears on the screeen when someone pass on? yeah thats me right now.
only thing kept me focus for awhile is the "job" im having now.

Taking care of premature thinking kids definitely doesnt sounds hard,but i think its worth a try for everyone. i really admire the strength of the primary school teachers, they have to be patient with the kids lie every 5 days of the week? im not even like 15 mins with them and im talking to myself already.
Come to think of it, something came across my mind today. Todays session was\.. i admit the most tiring, maybe cuz of the lack of air conditioning but the pupils. THEY ARE !@#$$%^
i dont even know how to describe primary school students, they are just omg yes butt heads!
i swear.
POSITIVE THINKING- i took the best class today. 6A, oh yah, i was relieved and so sure that ok maybe the best wont let me down. but noooooooooo freakinggg wayyyyy. i was definitely proved wrong.
they were not noisy, they paid attention, they listen to instructions, all i know is that their active participation/responses, were DEFINITELY CLASSIFIED :FAILED STONING.
it was that bad that i was kinda responding to myself, BEGGING, them to volunteer their ass up the stage and yeah. there were times when of course im like ok they're not that bad, and then the next thing is frustration resent everything building up.
EVEN WHEN I WAS SCOLDING THEM, I HAD TO DO IT WITH A SMILE!
at one point, i give up and say, whatever, you guys wanna lose your recess? GO AHEAD.
__(this didnt came up of course)
the girls the girls the girls, were sooooo behaved, IN OTHER WORDS FREAKING QUIETTT.
thats not good obviously.
All in all, at the end of the day, i kinda think 6A isnt such a bad class after all, maybe the reason behind them being so... non-interactive, is because they kinda focus on PSLE ratther than having fun? i could tell, that theyre from probably really good families.

there was this boy, Maaz, he was good, cute, small sized, attentive. you could tell from the seriousness on his face that he is the silent genius kind. there was this page we needed to do, and he impressed me with the FAVOURITE SHOWS: BONES, CRIMINAL MINDS.
times deifintely catching up.

im tired, reallly tired. told kaeden i would update my blog today and i did, with my eyes half closed.
AND I HAVE EFFING SCHOOL TMRW. __
watched downloaded movies till my thighs are like BIGGGGGGGGGGG.
wise choices, are led by yourself and carved on your own.
Ardz.